Talking About Pregnancy After Loss: How to Approach Conversations with Loved Ones
Pregnancy after loss is something many people go through every day. Navigating your feelings can be hard enough, but sharing the news with family and friends can add another layer of complexity.
Why Is It a Complex Topic?
Finding out you’re pregnant after loss is like a new chapter which can bring along many emotions. People who have experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal loss before their current pregnancy may still be experiencing strong feelings of grief. A pregnancy can bring feelings of excitement and hope, but the feelings associated with loss can still be present. Excitement mixed with grief is a complex blend of feelings to understand.
Including Your Pathway to Pregnancy
Not everyone’s pregnancy journey is the same. Some parents get fertility treatment to help them, such as in vitro fertilisation (IVF). Deciding how to discuss pregnancy after loss can be tricky to navigate, but talking about IVF with others can be something else to think about on top of this. The IVF process can create emotional and physical challenges which friends and family may not know much about. Helping them understand your situation can require some extra thought.
- Navigating misconceptions: Many people don’t know much about IVF. They may be unaware about what the process involves and the emotional toll it can create. If you can address these misconceptions, then people will know how to better support you and understand your situation.
- Deciding what you want to share: Some people are open about their IVF journey; some influencers even share their journey in detail on social media. It’s okay to share as much or as little as you want, and you may share more with certain people than others. For example, with close friends, you may feel comfortable discussing procedures and processes. With others, you might prefer to be more vague – and that’s completely fine!
Setting Boundaries
Everyone’s pregnancy journey is different, and setting boundaries can help you put yourself first.
- Choose what you’d rather keep private: Talk to your partner about this so you can be on the same page about what you’re both comfortable sharing. It’s up to you how much you want to share about your pregnancy; don’t compare your journey to anyone else’s.
- Decide when to announce your news: Discuss with your partner when they’d prefer to announce the news and decide on a time that feels right for the both of you. Some people share their news in the early stages of their pregnancy, and others wait for specific milestones.
- Let people know if they overstepped a boundary: Most people will have kind intentions, and most comments you get should hopefully be supportive. However, it can be easy for loved ones to unintentionally overstep your boundaries or be unaware of them. Unsolicited advice and personal questions are sometimes topics you may want to avoid. “I prefer that people ask before touching my tummy” or “I prefer to focus on the present rather than talking about the past or the future” are both good examples of how to set a clear boundary. It’s easy to get frustrated, but gently correcting someone should hopefully mean they know for next time.
Building a Support Network
Having loved ones to go to and people supporting you how you need them to is super helpful. Remember to let your loved ones know what the best way to support you is. This might be to look after your pets while you attend an appointment or to call you regularly to check in. Talking to friends and family can relieve stress and anxiety and help you avoid feelings of loneliness. When someone offers you support that you find helpful, let them know. This way, they’ll be aware of what you find useful and can help you again in the future.
Searching For Professional Support
Loved ones can be a shoulder to lean on, but sometimes professional support can be useful to help navigate your thoughts and emotions. Support groups, online communities and counselling can all be helpful resources. If you’re nervous about joining any of these, don’t be! Counsellors are understanding and seeking support from a group means you can connect with others who can relate in some way to your situation.
Conclusion
Pregnancy after loss can bring up many feelings which are difficult to navigate and process. Discussing your news can feel overwhelming and scary, especially when you might be struggling to understand your own emotions. It’s important to remember that you’re doing amazing!
If you need support – please email us on : contact@pregnancycrisiscare.org.uk
Kindly written and provided by Rosie Buckley