When you have been through baby loss or are struggling with any pregnancy-related crisis, the festive period can be particularly difficult. Whilst your friends and family are getting together to celebrate, you may want to take things a little slower and give yourself time and space to grieve – that is okay. At this time, it is so important to look after your wellbeing and be kind to yourself. We have put a few thoughts below which we hope may be of some help to you.
Be kind to yourself – Take time to grieve and remember your baby in a way that feels right for you. Grieving can often be tiring, making other social activities, shopping for gifts, food planning and preparation, even more overwhelming. There is no map to follow when you are grieving, please just take each day as it comes and treat yourself as you would treat your closest friend. Allow each day to be as gentle as you can, as one year ends and another begins.
Traditions – Sometimes keeping old traditions can be a pressure and bring back memories, so although it is obviously fine to keep them – perhaps you can alter them or start new ones.
Set boundaries – Create boundaries with your time and allow others to help when offered. Looking after yourself is your first priority – this may mean saying “No” to some things – it is okay if the festive period looks different (to you and to others) this year. There is no pressure to celebrate, but you may also feel like you want to be part of some festive things and that is okay too. There is no right or wrong way of being; allow yourself to follow your heart and do what feels right for you.
Your physical health – please try to prioritise the things that we know help us stay well and emotionally settled as possible – such as sleep, fresh air, gentle exercise and healthy nourishing food.
Acknowledge your loss – it’s okay to talk about your baby – sharing your story can help you feel less alone and help with healing.
Identify and express your feelings – Accept and understand that your all feelings are very normal and valid.
Seek support and help – Having conversations with friends and family about how you feel can help them support you in a sensitive way. Not everyone needs an explanation – but sharing honestly how you are doing with close loved ones can help you feel less alone or isolated.
Allow yourself to grieve – Recognise that the upcoming days or weeks might be understandably hard.
Practical ideas that may also help:
- Buying or making a Christmas bauble to remember your baby
- Light a candle in their memory
- Writing a Christmas letter each year and starting a tradition – storing in a special memory box
- Donating money to a charity in memory of your baby
- Visiting your baby’s grave or memorial
- Include your baby’s name in cards and asking friends and family to do the same
- Going for a gentle walk outside in nature
- Take one moment at a time – breathe deeply
Most importantly – if you feel you aren’t coping, it’s really important to speak to someone you feel safe with and trust, or contact your GP. Although our offices are closed over the Christmas period, (from 23 December and then re-opening on 6 January 2025), please feel free to call and leave a message or email, and we will endeavour to respond as soon as we can.
Call 01752 246788
Thinking of you all this Christmas
Love Sarah and Jane x
Please see other resources and contact information from other organisations below:
Anxiety UK – www.anxietyuk.org.uk
Fertility Network UK – www.fertilitynetwork.org.uk
Samaritans – www.samaritans.org.uk or call 116 123 (24 hours a day, 365 days a year)
Shout – https://giveusashout.org.uk (Can text anytime day or night – text SHOUT 85258)
https://tommys.org.uk (Tommy’s – Together for Every Baby) – 020 72398 3400
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – www.thecalmzone.net
First Response 24/7 Crisis Line – 01752 434135